The Regret of Regrets
It's okay to let things go so you can grow
I’ve had some great relationships in my life. While I tried to cherish each choice date and mate, I still made my share of mistakes and then some.
Sure, I could give you a list of most of my missteps and mistakes I’ve made in my relationships, but this isn’t about a list of regrets, but a few lessons learned that will hopefully help lessen mistakes and increase your love, joy and unity whatever your relationship is, even if it’s just you for now. Because you’re important, too!
Sometimes I didn’t know how to love someone through their storm. Other times I didn’t know how to love someone when I was struggling with a storm.
I was good at caring, but not so much sharing so they could care about me. That’s not to say they were just waiting around for me to share before they cared. I’m just saying, even with the best people and intentions, dating (and marriage) are easy to gain, but difficult to maintain…IF…
If you’re always waiting for an invitation or a list to care about someone, you’ll only become bitter, not better at finding, let alone keeping love.
If you’re so busy that you believe a text message and emoji will suffice when someone is suffering. And if you’re too busy to notice they’re suffering in the first place. You know what I’m talking about. When we’re hurting or something feels off but we’re not sure how (or when) to bring it up. The other person asks how we are and when we give the usual, “I’m alright” they accept it without any other thought.
I regret the times I didn’t ask follow-up questions and spend more time with that person to be able to know when “alright” really isn’t alright.
And some may say, well we shouldn’t have to become mind readers to care about someone. I agree. But this is about the heart more than the mind.
If you want to seize (and keep) and truly find joy in your journey of love, you’ve got to learn to listen to their heart, not just their words. I’m talking about a more involved investment in their well-being, not just an investigation or interrogation about their situation. And sometimes the greatest invest you can make is your time.
Most of my regrets would be nonexistent if I had learned to do these things earlier and better in my dating. I seriously can’t wait to get the chance again to love better!
That being said, we all have regrets, right? And no one is perfect, and all those phrases we try to comfort ourselves with. May I offer you some new phrases, or at least perspectives to not only comfort, but encourage you?
And they say that “Mistakes are proof that you’re trying.” Not always. Sometimes mistakes are made because you’re not trying.
I would add that when you don’t keep trying, getting back up and learning how to love greater is the greatest mistake. That being said, no matter what mistakes you made, I hope they made you better. I hope they made you more aware of not only when to care, but how to truly care.
Yes, your mistakes may have hurt, and even cost you the love of your life. Nevertheless, and I say this respectfully and compassionately, let them go, so you can grow and be ready for when love comes again to your life.
Don’t shame yourself for what you should have done, find your joy and excitement for what you’re going to do next time you find love! How great will it be to get that second, or third (or more) chance to be with someone and not only prove your love, but prove that you are better, not just at dating, but a better person who can care deeper and love that person (and yourself) better than ever.
Yes, you’re still going to make mistakes—and so will they—but with the unity you are now more capable of creating and protecting (because you learned from those mistakes and regrets) you and they will experience a deeper, more enjoyable, exciting, enduring, endearing and eternal relationship!